Here is the perfect job for the outdoorsman who doesn’t like nature, and the wildlife nut who won’t sacrifice a vibrant nightlife: An Urban Forester!

The Texas Forest Service (bet you didn’t know we had one of those, now did you?) is handing out your money to cities that want to bring an urban forester on staff. This job will let you save the planet and still have ready access to a tall latte with whipped cream.

Take, for example, the $30,000 grant the Texas Forest Service recently awarded Missouri City.

They’ll be able to hire an urban forester to conduct a detailed tree survey (what is your favorite color, what breed of dogs do you prefer, how deep are your roots), and locate spaces for future tree planting.

Huh-uh. And I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay (Monty Python skit). A Texas Forest Service regional bureaucrat said the purpose of the grant is to encourage cities to enlarge their “urban forests.” Urban forest? I pine for the days when a jungle was a jungle, now it’s a rain forest. Apparently a city park is now to be considered an urban forest. Does that make my backyard a suburban grove?

The urban forester is, apparently, the last best hope for the humanity as they work with trees in the fight to stave off global warming (of course), storm run-off (nifty) and mental illness.

Michael Quinn Sullivan

Michael Quinn Sullivan is the publisher of Texas Scorecard. He is a native Texan, a graduate of Texas A&M, and Eagle Scout. Previously, he has worked as a newspaper reporter, magazine contributor, Capitol Hill staffer, think tank vice president. Michael and his wife have three adult children, and a dog. Check out his podcast, Reflections on Life and Liberty.

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